it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I am naked and annoyed.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
