If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
her facebook's as public as her vagina
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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