Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
