Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
