Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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