Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
