As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
