guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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