Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
