She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
