I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Randomize
