She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
whose parrot is this?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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