Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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