They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
