I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
