He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
