Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
