it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
