Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
They have beer where we have blood.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
