Old men and throwing up are my life now.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
