I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
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