I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
