JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
