omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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