You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He? As in you personified your dick?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
