I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
