Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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