Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
