bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
