My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
