Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
