I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
