...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
apparently the secret to your success is patron
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just made my gag reflex go away.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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