I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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