I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
