got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
