the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
