My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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