My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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