me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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