when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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