you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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