Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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