god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
