He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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