Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
