My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
