Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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