this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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