whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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