Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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