so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
