i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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