I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
