youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
