I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
