Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
