as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
