I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
