Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
