I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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