I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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