I showed him my bush... on skype.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
